Pussy Problems

 Yeah, OK, now that I've got your attention, I've got a real crisis on my hands. Louie, my adorable, fluffy, flabby orange tabby. My cat is over the top territorial. 
Louie is a total sweetheart, he takes naps with me, we have our daily playtime, and he purrs like a coal operated locomotive. However I believe he thinks we are exclusive.


True story:
A few months ago, after a romantic dinner I bring a man home and we are just ripping clothes off of each other from the font door. Things are hot, slamming me against the hallway walls as me make our way to my room, whereas I close the door, leaving Louie in the hall. I'm sure the only scratch marks down this guy's back he wants are from me, not my cat. Since I have had some scary moments with Louie's jealousy before and I wasn't about to allow him to ruin the mood. 


So, we are going at it pretty good, and my cat has begun having a tantrum outside my door, complete with howling. If you have ever heard a cat howl before, it sounds like a child being tortured. My luck, I have a child, who was not home at the time, not that my neighbor knew this at the time. So in the middle of pure orgasm my doorbell rings, "Hello? Police." WHAT? I answer the door in a backwards t-shirt and a silk tie still tied to my wrist. Louie, happily purring at my feet. 


My local police department had received a call about possible child abuse. After inspecting my home to insure that my child was indeed not home, well I had to explain to three officers where the child like screams had come from. To further my embarrassment, I proceeded to give them a demonstration, by asking them into my bedroom and closing the door. All of this to my sheet only clad date's absolute horror of course! I asked, (begged) my date to play along bouncing up and down on my bed, nothing happened. To my further humiliation Louie was peacefully sleeping through this chaos. It goes without saying that my date did not stick around much longer to see my local police officers again. 


So, how do I sit my cat down and explain that I need to get laid without interrogation from the local or federal authorities?  I've tried telling him NO! but he pouts and then continues acting out. I have tried the squirt bottle, however he likes water...he gets into the bathtub with me. (Whatever! Don't judge me.) I guess I'm going to have to warn guys, that our adventure may include cats, neighbors and the police. I just hope they are as kinky as I am!